so, this is love?

is it wrong to call you
my muse?
the last thing I want
is to paint the wrong picture of you.
(I have been attempting to paint you
for far too long, in hopes of
capturing the way you smiled.
perhaps I can bring you to life
more so with words
than with drying pastels
of colors I don’t even like.)
you were beautiful.
you are.
did I ever tell you
that your laugh was like the perfect harmony
I was always searching for in music?
(to find a symphony that speaks to me
is still a goal of mine, because
when you were here every word
every melody sounded right,
but now that you’re gone every song
seems like a collaboration of static
& fading orchestral accompaniment.)
you laughed
& I was convinced
that was the only sound I needed to hear
for the rest of my life.
did I ever tell you
that I considered your arms
safer than a locked door than
an extra application of sunscreen
(why is there no spf for people who burn too brightly
for love that is like sunlight
in the summer & my skin is too weak
for your brilliance.)
safer than my mother’s voice in a midnight
lullaby, than my little brother’s sense of humor?
did I ever tell you?
(I love love love you & loved you
maybe too much but can you really
blame me?)
& I am so sorry
for the poetry I write and keep
beneath my pillow like an unfinished book,
I am sorry for the words
that spell out your name as a monster
as a ghost an afterthought a medication
that I can no longer (should no longer) take.
you were my daydream but somehow
you became my nightmare & I am
not sorry for being inspired by you
by your smile
laugh embrace kiss hold me life never let me
go.
I let you go & I should not regret.
but sometimes you miss the pain.

This is actually a repost of a poem I posted in my earlier WordPress days, with a few edits and a title change…. did anyone catch my Cinderella reference? 😉

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2 thoughts on “so, this is love?

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